Speaking From the Center: Empowerment Through the Adult Voice

There are moments when something deep inside us contracts when words exchanged in haste leave us feeling small, unheard, or somehow distant from our own truth. These are often not random moments, but echoes and reflections of inner voices shaped long ago. When we find ourselves repeating patterns in conflict, in silence, or in sudden emotional overwhelm, we may not be speaking from the Self at all, but from an older part of us. A child. A parent. A forgotten protector.

Transactional Analysis (TA), a psychological framework developed by Eric Berne, offers a map for returning to the centered self. It teaches us how to discern which inner “voice” or ego state is speaking and how to choose the voice that serves truth, connection, and dignity.

Three Inner Figures: Parent, Child, and Adult

We carry within us a constellation of internal characters. In TA, these are known as ego states, a symbolic triad that mirrors the psychic structures we inherited, developed, and now animate through our everyday interactions:

• The Parent is the internalized voice of early authority figures. It can appear as a stern rule-giver, a moral compass, or a caretaker who tries to protect. Yet when unexamined, it may also become critical, shaming, or controlling like a ghost repeating another's script.

• The Child is the emotional, imaginal realm. It is the dreamer, the rebel, the vulnerable one who longs to be seen. This state holds the echoes of early needs and unmet desires, often arising as impulsivity, defiance, playfulness, or quiet longing.

• The Adult, symbolically, is the inner mediator. It is the part of us that chooses consciousness. Grounded in the present, the Adult integrates past and future, thought and feeling, self and other. It holds the lantern of awareness, lighting the path forward with discernment and clarity (Berne, 1964; Stewart and Joines, 1987).

In Jungian language, we might say the Adult is aligned with the Self; it is not without emotion, but rather deeply in relationship with it. It is not without history, but it is no longer ruled by it.

The Moment of Choice: Awareness as Alchemy

When conflict arises or our emotions flare, we often slip into unconscious patterns. Perhaps our voice sharpens, and we hear our mother or father speaking through us. Or perhaps we withdraw, overwhelmed, and the inner child curls inward in fear. In these moments, we are caught in archetypal possession inhabited by an energy that may no longer serve us.

The invitation is not to judge ourselves, but to wake up gently. To pause. To name the state we are in. To breathe space into the script.

“What part of me is speaking right now?”
“What old story is being replayed?”
“Who might I become if I responded from my Adult?”

This small pause is a threshold. In Jungian terms, it is a moment of individuation where we step out of a collective pattern and into authentic presence (James and Jongeward, 1996).

Practices for Returning to the Adult State

If you sense that your words are coming from the critical Parent or the reactive Child, these gentle practices can help you shift into the Adult’s calm, observing posture:

1. Witness without judgment. When emotions rise, begin by noticing. Are you becoming defensive or blaming? Do you feel small or ashamed? Awareness is not control; it is compassionate presence.

2. Pause as ritual. Create a moment of stillness, even if brief. Place a hand on your body, breathe into your feet. Ask, “What do I truly need right now?”

3. Speak from the center. In your next response, imagine you are speaking from the calm lake within, not the storm on the surface. Let your words reflect the now, not the wound, not the fear.

4. Language as spellwork. Words shape reality. Replace accusations (“You never…”) with observations (“I noticed that…”). This neutral tone invokes Adult-to-Adult communication (Steiner, 1974).

5. See the soul in the other. When someone responds from their wounded Child or punitive Parent, resist the urge to match their energy. Imagine the story behind their reaction. Respond from your centered self, not your ancient scripts.

When Conversations Cross Paths

In TA, a crossed transaction occurs when you speak calmly from the Adult, but the other person replies with scorn or collapse. These are the moments where archetypes clash, where pain meets pain.

Instead of escalating, you can stay grounded in the Adult, name what you see with clarity, and hold the boundary with grace. You are not responsible for another’s state, but you are the guardian of your own (English, 1972).

What the Adult Brings: A Path of Sovereignty

The more we embody the Adult, the more we cultivate emotional sovereignty, not cold detachment, but warm discernment. Here’s what it offers:

• Clear Boundaries: You learn to say "no" with kindness, not guilt.

• Conflict as Dialogue: You face disagreement with open hands, not raised shields.

• Self-Empowerment: You stop giving others the power to dictate your feelings. You become the author of your response.

• Deeper Connection: When two Adults meet, true dialogue begins. No masks, no performance. Just presence.

In Jungian terms, this is the work of integration, bringing together the fragmented selves into one coherent, grounded wholeness.

A Final Word: Choosing the Voice of Wholeness

Every conversation is a small rite of passage. We enter it with the opportunity to repeat old roles—or to rewrite the script.

Transactional Analysis is not just a psychological tool. It is an act of inner remembrance. A way to return to the Self—not the wounded child, not the inherited voice of authority, but the clear-eyed witness who holds space for all parts and still chooses wisely.

When you speak from this place, you are not just communicating. You are healing.

References

Berne, E. (1964) Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. New York: Grove Press.

English, F. (1972) ‘The three faces of victim’, Transactional Analysis Journal, 2(1), pp. 22–25.

Harris, T. A. (1995) I’m OK – You’re OK: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis. London: Arrow Books.

James, M. and Jongeward, D. (1996) Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

Steiner, C. (1974) Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts. New York: Bantam.

Stewart, I. and Joines, V. (1987) TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis. Nottingham: Lifespace Publishing.

Rumi and Psychological Self-Exploration: Journeying Beyond Right and Wrong

The spiritual journey often invites us to move beyond the boundaries of logic, labels, and societal judgments, stepping into a realm where connection and self-awareness are the guiding forces. In this journey, Rumi’s poetic wisdom offers profound insights for those seeking psychological self-exploration, healing, and personal growth. His words invite us to transcend the dualities of good and bad, right and wrong, and to embrace a more fluid, heart-centered way of being (Barks, 1995).

View fullsize

Through the lens of Jungian psychology, we can dive deeper into the spiritual and psychological dimensions of Rumi's teachings, which speak to the essence of our soul and the importance of connecting with ourselves and others. The poem "A Great Wagon," in particular, offers a powerful invitation to explore what lies beyond the rigid constraints of our thoughts and judgments, encouraging us to meet others and ourselves in a space free of labels and dualistic thinking (Barks, 1995).

‘‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there’’

Rumi’s famous words resonate deeply in a world where judgment and polarization often create division and conflict. In essence, Rumi suggests that beyond the dualistic constructs of right and wrong, there exists a "field" where true connection can occur. This field is a metaphor for a space of openness, compassion, and acceptance, where there is room for the complexities of life and the richness of human experience.

Jungian psychology, with its focus on integrating the unconscious and conscious parts of the psyche, aligns with this idea. Jung believed that by embracing all aspects of the self, including the shadow (those parts of ourselves we tend to deny or repress), we can move toward greater wholeness and authenticity (Jung, 1953; Singer, 1994). Rumi’s "field" represents that same space where the shadow can be acknowledged and integrated, allowing us to move beyond rigid ideas of good and bad, right and wrong.

Letting Go of Judgments: The Psychological Shift

In psychological terms, perceiving everything as either right or wrong can create inner tension and prevent us from fully experiencing the nuances of life. The rigid belief in moral absolutism often leads to conflict, both internally and externally (Tolle, 2004). When we engage in the world with this mindset, we limit our ability to understand the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences. This can manifest in relationships as judgment, aggression, and misunderstanding.

Jung’s concept of individuation, the process of integrating all aspects of the self, offers a path out of this binary thinking (Jung, 1959). Individuation invites us to expand our awareness and embrace the complexity of our inner world. Rumi’s teachings echo this process, urging us to let go of the labels that separate us from ourselves and others, and to open up to the broader, more fluid experience of life. This openness creates the space for empathy, understanding, and deeper connection.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Path to Connection

The space free from judgment is also at the heart of Nonviolent idea of creating Communication (NVC), a process developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC encourages individuals to express themselves without judgment and to listen to others with empathy (Rosenberg, 2003). It is a tool for creating understanding, reducing conflict, and fostering connection principles that align beautifully with Rumi’s vision of the "field" where we meet beyond right and wrong.

One key aspect of NVC is learning to identify and express our feelings and needs rather than labeling behaviors as right or wrong. This shift from judgment to empathy allows us to move past conflict and toward mutual understanding. When we can identify what we are feeling and needing, we connect to our authentic self, and in turn, to the authentic self of others (Rosenberg, 2003). This practice fosters peace within ourselves and in our interactions with the world.

The Inner Journey: Rumi and Jung's Exploration of the Self

Rumi’s poetry offers us a profound invitation to listen to the quiet voice within, beyond the noise of judgment and fear. "There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen," he writes (Barks, 1995). This voice is the call of the soul, a call to connect with our deeper self and to recognize our true nature. Jungian psychology echoes this invitation, encouraging individuals to explore their unconscious and bring the hidden aspects of themselves into conscious awareness (Jung, 1969).

Rumi’s words “Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction,” speak directly to this process of self-exploration (Barks, 1995). It is the heart, or the true self, that guides us toward healing and wholeness. To truly meet ourselves in the “field” beyond right and wrong, we must quiet the chatter of the mind and listen to the intuitive wisdom of the heart (Hillman, 1996).

Surrendering to Life's Flow: Moving Beyond Resistance

Rumi also speaks to the concept of surrendering to life’s flow, which is at the core of both his spiritual teachings and Jungian psychology. When we resist the natural course of events, we experience suffering. As Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj wisely notes, “Suffering is due entirely to clinging or resisting. It is a sign of our unwillingness to move on, to flow with life” (Maharaj, 1973). This resistance to the natural flow of life is often fueled by fear, attachment, and a desire to control the outcomes.

Rumi’s teachings encourage us to let go of this need for control and embrace the present moment with open arms (Barks, 1995). The act of surrender is not passive; it is a powerful act of trust in life and in ourselves. It is through this surrender that we align with our true essence, moving beyond the limitations of the ego and into a place of connection and love (Kornfield, 2008).

The Healing Power of Love

At the heart of Rumi’s message is the transformative power of love. He teaches that once the intention of life becomes love, all doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant (Barks, 1995). Love, in this sense, is not just an emotion but a way of being an openness to life and to others that transcends the limitations of the ego.

In Jungian terms, love represents the integration of the Self. It is through love that we reconcile the opposing forces within us, the shadow and the light, the conscious and unconscious (Jung, 1954). Love is the force that unites all aspects of the psyche, allowing us to experience wholeness and connection.

The Inner Journey: Rumi and Exploration of the Self Through Practical Exercises

Shadow Reflection

• Identify a situation where you judged yourself or another person harshly.

• Write down what emotions arose and whether any personal fears or insecurities contributed to this judgment.

• Reflect on how acknowledging both strengths and imperfections in yourself and others might create more space for understanding.

Guided Self-Exploration Meditation

• Sit in a quiet space and close your eyes.

• Reflect on a time when you acted from a place of fear or judgment. How did it feel?

• Imagine stepping into Rumi’s “field” of acceptance. What shifts in your emotions and thoughts?

• Journal your insights and any changes in perspective.

Transition and Loss Reflection

• Recall a major life transition or loss you have experienced.

• Write about what resistance arose during that time.

• Identify one lesson or strength you gained from the experience.

• Reflect on how acceptance transformed your relationship with the event.

Exploring Judgment and Inner Conflict

1. Write down a situation where you labeled an experience as strictly “good” or “bad.”

2. Identify the emotions and unmet needs behind this judgment.

3. Consider: How might viewing the situation as more fluid change your perspective?

4. Reflect on what Rumi’s “field” might look like in this context.

NVC Self-Exploration Exercise

1. When you feel triggered, pause and ask: What am I feeling? What do I need?

2. Shift from blame to self-awareness by expressing, When X happened, I felt Y because I needed Z.

3. Practice active listening by guessing what the other person might be feeling and needing.

4. Reflect: How does moving beyond blame open space for deeper understanding?

Dance Therapy Exercise: Embodying the Field

1. Find a quiet space and play instrumental music.

2. Close your eyes and let your body move intuitively, without planning or self-judgment.

3. Explore opposing forces (e.g., tension vs. release, expansion vs. contraction).

4. After 5-10 minutes, pause and reflect: How did it feel to move without judgment?

5. Creative Reflection: Use paint, pastels, or clay to express your experience visually.

6. Journal about the experience, noting where you felt resistance and flow.

Conclusion: Journeying Beyond Right and Wrong

Rumi’s poetic vision of a "field" beyond right and wrong offers us a profound opportunity for psychological self-exploration. It is an invitation to release the rigidity of our judgments and to connect with the deeper, more fluid aspects of life. By embracing the heart-centered wisdom of non-duality, we can cultivate greater self-awareness, foster empathy, and ultimately, create deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and the world around us.

As we journey beyond the dualities of good and bad, right and wrong, we come to realize that we are all interconnected in the vast, rich tapestry of existence. In the words of Marcus Aurelius, "Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them" (Aurelius, trans. 2006). It is in this expansive, heart-centered space that we can truly meet ourselves and others, and experience the love and connection that is the essence of our being.

References

Aurelius, M., 2006. Meditations. Translated by G. Hays. London: Penguin Classics.

Barks, C., 1995. The Essential Rumi. Translated by C. Barks. San Francisco: HarperOne.

Hillman, J., 1996. The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling. New York: Random House.

Jung, C.G., 1953. Psychology and Alchemy. Translated by R.F.C. Hull. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Jung, C.G., 1954. The Development of Personality. Translated by R.F.C. Hull. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Jung, C.G., 1959. Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self. Translated by R.F.C. Hull. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Jung, C.G., 1969. The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Translated by R.F.C. Hull. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Kornfield, J., 2008. The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology. New York: Bantam.

Maharaj, N., 1973. I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. Translated by M. Frydman. Durham, NC: Acorn Press.

Rosenberg, M.B., 2003. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.

Singer, J., 1994. Boundaries of the Soul: The Practice of Jung's Psychology. New York: Anchor Books.

Tolle, E., 2004. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. London: Hodder & Stoughton.